Tranparency Breathes LIFE!

One of the great things I have been learning the last few months is how to live transparently.  It isn't easy wearing one's heart on their sleeve, but it is essential in order to embrace life to the fullest -- good, bad and ugly.  I used to pride myself on appearing as though I had it all together -- the perfect family life; a hard-working, successful business man, who wanted to sleep in our bed every night; a beautiful daughter; a great writing career; a house in the suburbs; two cars; a great church family, and sweet friends to go with it. Note the word "appearing" in the last sentence.  Yes, of course I had all of those things, but one thing that was truly lacking was genuine transparency. 

Ya see . . .  I was one of  those people who only shared the "good things" that were going on in my life, but hardly ever spoke about the struggles or complexities. I do believe in some instances it isn't always convenient or proper to share "everything," but for the most part I didn't share anything at all but the fluff and happiness -- which meant hiding the pain. Last year my marriage was rocked to it's core and my husband and I were headed for a divorce.  We would walk around the house virtually ignoring one another and when we did talk it was usually pretty heated and full of animosity.  That feeling of extreme lonliness invaded our well-put-together home and we just couldn't shake it. I was pulling away, he was pulling away . . . and the silent coldness invaded the atmosphere of our home, so thickly that it sliced at the core of our hearts and spirits, and was bringing death to our marriage.  We began to hate one another! I left for NY for two weeks to write, get away and rethink our marriage, while he stayed back contemplating life as a single parent.

We'd go to church every Sunday and put on our happy church faces, all the while dying inside and not having anyone to talk to.  We kept our struggle silent . . . because everytime we tried to open up, some of our well-meaning friends would smile and tell us everything will be okay or that we just needed to think positive.  Now, I am a firm believer of  Philippians 4:8 which says,  ". . . whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."  But I do believe there is a time to get real, and share the truth of what is going on so "real" friends can be there during the tough times.  This mamby-pamby fluffy christianity was killing us because we weren't allowing ourselves to "FEEL" and get to the root of what we were really going through, so we could face it head on and get the help we needed. God's Word is valid and truth, but knowing when to apply it is also important.  Although we loved our sweet friends, and knew they didn't have the capacity to understand the depth of what we were going through, we needed ones that were willing to go into the trenches, talk tough love, cry with us, and walk us out of this mess, instead of covering it all over with "positive affirmations."

It started over a year ago, but it has been about 4 months of really working through these trials, and getting real with ourselves, and now we are seeing the LIFE which this transparency is breathing into our souls.  A dear Pastor and friend, whose counsel we cherish said to us last week on the phone . . . when we are weak, He (Christ) is strong (Proverbs 31:17). This same Pastor is VERY REAL, sharing all of his frailties and imperfections while he counsels people.  It is because he is so tranparent that many, many people want more of God, because they know this man isn't talking from a place of perfection, but rather pointing them to Christ.  We've seen people healed, delivered and set free from serious addictions, etc in their lives because of it.

If all we do is walk around in our own self-sufficiency and put on a happy face all the time and act perfect, we are not allowing God to be strong in us.  It is only through real transparency, and humility He reveals His true nature within us.  If we want God to show up in our lives, it is humility that impresses Him. Pride gets between us and God, and without realizing it, we actually shut Him out of our lives.  However if we make ourselves raw and vulnerable before Him, then when the work is completed we can put on a genuine happy face, full of joy and truly experience His completion. Why??  Because transparency breathes LIFE, and I am so glad I can partake of that life now.  What you see is what you get with me these days . . . and so glad I am still a work in progress. We may not have the perfect family life -- although it is looking darn near close ;-) -- but we are thankful for God's grace and the love of other friends who were willing to lay down their lives for us and go into the trenches with us to save our marriage. We are on the healing side of it and doing well now, truly WELL :-)

Shelter From The Fire

Have you ever just sat, speechless, in peace, staring out the window?!  I am doing that right now, and it is an absolutely amazing feeling. I am looking at the beautiful 15 ft tall pine trees in our back yard, covered in snow.  Underneath the pine trees are a family of rabbits. They peek their heads out from time to time, and wander around the yard, but mostly stay hidden under it's cozy refuge.  My husband likes to let our two Retrievers (a Golden and Labrador) out to chase the rabbits, and it drives me nuts, as all I can think about is the cute little bunnies getting terrorized by the dogs.  However it IS clear that those rabbits are far more agile than the canines.  The keen sense that has been placed within the rabbits by their Creator show forth quite well when you compare them to the goofy dogs who like to toy with them.  What stands out to me is the shelter the trees provide for the rabbits. 

My husband and I recently went through a very hard situation which rocked our world, and the outcome could have been devastating, yet God sent the right people at the right time to bring ministry and healing right when we needed it.  My Mom is and always has been a prayer warrior, and she has some powerful intercessors who back her in prayer and share things with her as God tells them.  One of her intercessor friends called and told her that God was telling us (Hugh and I) that we would be "walking through the fire (trials in life), but not be burned."  Then another friend who was praying, completely unrelated and not in the same conversation prayed the same prayer over us!  WOW, confirmation and encouragement, which built our faith and allowed us to see God's hands and love extended to us through complete strangers.  People, who I am sure have other issues to deal with in their lives, and more important trials of their own to contend with, stopped what they were doing, listened to their Creator, and let us know that they were praying. We had many others friends lifting us up in prayer as well, and I am always humbled and blessed when people take time out to do this on our behalf. 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2

Sure we were scared and nervous, feeling the intensity of the trial . . . but when we heard those words of encouragement and rested in God's Word over our lives, for such a time as this . . . we found great refuge.  And . . . guess what??  The situation ended up working out, and any harm that others meant for us was thwarted, so . . .  just as the bunnies in our back yard take shelter under the snow-covered pine trees, we will take shelter and rest in God, who cares for our every need. Though people and situations may try to toy with us, I am basking in His peace and stand in awe of his mighty protection over our lives! 

Front Porch Sociology

My childhood was relatively carefree and  full of life. During the summer I'd wander around the neighborhood, saying hello to everyone, freely asking them about their day, and studying the world around me.  It wasn't uncommon for me to find a tree and climb it, where I'd sit for long periods of time and study people, or mosey over to a lilac bush, fingering each flower while inhaling its glorious scent.  To this day when I walk past a lilac bush I still get waves of great joy, as the smell brings me back to my days on Bock Street.  The same is true when I wander past wild grapes growing up a vine.  As a child in Upstate NY, all of my senses were continually delighted.  Between the beautiful Fall foliage, Fingerlakes grape growing region, Lilac festivals, and Italian sauce on Sundays, one could never grow bored with life. I remember our neighbors, The Caternolo and Surace families -- both Italian -- would make their special "sauce" on Sunday and invite half the neighborhood over for rigatoni, spaghetti, or the pasta of the week.  There was a real sense of community and my Dad's theory is that community was alive and well on Bock Street because of  all of the front porches. "When they got rid of the front porches they got rid of daily gatherings." I would have to agree with him on that one. Everywhere we've lived, where there weren't front porches . . . well, mingling among neighbors became less common. 


I remember dealing with my first bee sting, at 10 years old, while on that front porch on Bock St., and sitting out with my family as the thunderclouds rolled in and the rain fell, with its sweet scent of fresh grass mingled with wafts of black top gravel.  You could relax on that front porch and analyze the world from a whole new perspective.  People freely came and went, and there were always a few extra plates available at the dinner table just in case someone popped over.  Sometimes my parents Bible study group would spend hours sitting together, crying, laughing and singing right there on the front porch; Mom would get her guitar out and unity would commence.  The neighbors didn't mind, and many ended up coming over to join in and feel the peace and sense of "family."  Across the street were the Kobryns' -- a Greek Family-- and beside us were several Italian families.  We were the Irish family, and then there were others from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, all welcome on that front porch.  It was where love abounded, food was plentiful and there were no divisions between people.  I think the next house we buy needs to have a front porch.  There really is something to the whole front porch sociology, which needs to come back to American culture again.  Care for a glass of iced tea or cup of coffee anyone?  Let's sit, rock, and tell one another about our day/month/life . . . breathe, bask in the peace and watch the world go by.  Just you and me . . . and a front porch (good sigh). :-)

The Language of Joy

Last night I was with a few friends and found myself laughing-out-loud, giggling and making garish intermittent snorting sounds, laced with quirky muffled squeals.  We weren't drinking anything (well maybe some coffee and H20), yet these exuberant noises were bursting out of us simply because we delighted in the language of JOY together.  This beautiful, yet disturbing language has many facets, but its most dominant trait is FREEDOM.  When we are free to be ourselves around one another, we are free to embrace the art of expression, which in many circles would be considered offensive or disorderly.  Beautiful in that it breeds LIFE, and no matter how many burdens or cares ones carries, they flit away when one is able to partake of the language of joy.  Disturbing, in that ya never know how this language is going to come out, and for me . . . well it really isn't pretty, and I beg of my friends to please wear ear plugs next time, because when bursts of joy come out of me they aren't always packed in a petite and sensible auditory package.  Snorts and squeals may not be beautiful, but what ushers forth from the depths of the soul is simply contagious.  It may be a foreign language to some, but I hope this language of JOY is something I get to experience more often. :-)

The Dichotomy Of Life

I was just thinking about the word "dichotomy" and how it peeks through in everyday life. According to the dictionary the word dichotomy means "a division of two usually contradictory parts or opinions," or "any splitting of a whole into exactly two non-overlapping parts." We wonder today why there are so many separations between people, cultures, families, nations, churches, friendships, etc. and it is this very word that brings to light the cause and effect of it all. DIVISION, is the basis of dichotomy, and in order for dichotomy to reside there must be two opposing elements. The very word "di-vision" means "two visions." Sometimes two different visions work okay together, and sometimes they don't.

I have two dear friends who are in a dichotomy right now. One really loves people and wants to help them and goes about it in a very tranparent and "give-it-all, in-your-face, highly passionate" way, and the other really loves people and wants to help them, but is more private, mysterious, controlled and less tolerant. These two people, supposedly loving in their own way, are in HUGE division with one another, and many people are caught in the middle. I see both sides, and appreciate both personalities, yet . . . I can't help thinking that somewhere, somehow, someone has to give! Pride can be a huge propellant of a dichotomy, and when it exists and manifests it maims relationships at the core. No matter how loving a human being is, if they are unwilling to yield and unwilling to let go of their own insecurities and manipulations they are going to kill the very people they are trying to love. This is the dichotomy of life . . . when we hold on too tight we lose it all, yet if we are willing to let go, sometimes we can gain everything.