Tranparency Breathes LIFE!

One of the great things I have been learning the last few months is how to live transparently.  It isn't easy wearing one's heart on their sleeve, but it is essential in order to embrace life to the fullest -- good, bad and ugly.  I used to pride myself on appearing as though I had it all together -- the perfect family life; a hard-working, successful business man, who wanted to sleep in our bed every night; a beautiful daughter; a great writing career; a house in the suburbs; two cars; a great church family, and sweet friends to go with it. Note the word "appearing" in the last sentence.  Yes, of course I had all of those things, but one thing that was truly lacking was genuine transparency. 

Ya see . . .  I was one of  those people who only shared the "good things" that were going on in my life, but hardly ever spoke about the struggles or complexities. I do believe in some instances it isn't always convenient or proper to share "everything," but for the most part I didn't share anything at all but the fluff and happiness -- which meant hiding the pain. Last year my marriage was rocked to it's core and my husband and I were headed for a divorce.  We would walk around the house virtually ignoring one another and when we did talk it was usually pretty heated and full of animosity.  That feeling of extreme lonliness invaded our well-put-together home and we just couldn't shake it. I was pulling away, he was pulling away . . . and the silent coldness invaded the atmosphere of our home, so thickly that it sliced at the core of our hearts and spirits, and was bringing death to our marriage.  We began to hate one another! I left for NY for two weeks to write, get away and rethink our marriage, while he stayed back contemplating life as a single parent.

We'd go to church every Sunday and put on our happy church faces, all the while dying inside and not having anyone to talk to.  We kept our struggle silent . . . because everytime we tried to open up, some of our well-meaning friends would smile and tell us everything will be okay or that we just needed to think positive.  Now, I am a firm believer of  Philippians 4:8 which says,  ". . . whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."  But I do believe there is a time to get real, and share the truth of what is going on so "real" friends can be there during the tough times.  This mamby-pamby fluffy christianity was killing us because we weren't allowing ourselves to "FEEL" and get to the root of what we were really going through, so we could face it head on and get the help we needed. God's Word is valid and truth, but knowing when to apply it is also important.  Although we loved our sweet friends, and knew they didn't have the capacity to understand the depth of what we were going through, we needed ones that were willing to go into the trenches, talk tough love, cry with us, and walk us out of this mess, instead of covering it all over with "positive affirmations."

It started over a year ago, but it has been about 4 months of really working through these trials, and getting real with ourselves, and now we are seeing the LIFE which this transparency is breathing into our souls.  A dear Pastor and friend, whose counsel we cherish said to us last week on the phone . . . when we are weak, He (Christ) is strong (Proverbs 31:17). This same Pastor is VERY REAL, sharing all of his frailties and imperfections while he counsels people.  It is because he is so tranparent that many, many people want more of God, because they know this man isn't talking from a place of perfection, but rather pointing them to Christ.  We've seen people healed, delivered and set free from serious addictions, etc in their lives because of it.

If all we do is walk around in our own self-sufficiency and put on a happy face all the time and act perfect, we are not allowing God to be strong in us.  It is only through real transparency, and humility He reveals His true nature within us.  If we want God to show up in our lives, it is humility that impresses Him. Pride gets between us and God, and without realizing it, we actually shut Him out of our lives.  However if we make ourselves raw and vulnerable before Him, then when the work is completed we can put on a genuine happy face, full of joy and truly experience His completion. Why??  Because transparency breathes LIFE, and I am so glad I can partake of that life now.  What you see is what you get with me these days . . . and so glad I am still a work in progress. We may not have the perfect family life -- although it is looking darn near close ;-) -- but we are thankful for God's grace and the love of other friends who were willing to lay down their lives for us and go into the trenches with us to save our marriage. We are on the healing side of it and doing well now, truly WELL :-)